Ex Narc Gf Left Never Speaks to Me Again

I have mentioned before in past blogs that narcissists need attention in lodge to survive. This form of attention is brought to the narcissist by a new supply which is a girlfriend or swain. In most cases your nacissist has already spent months or weeks grooming their new supply to take your spot once he tires of you lot. In my instance, this was oh and so true. We bankrupt up on July 2 and he started "officially" dating his new fling on July half dozen.

We broke upward on a Thursday and by Sunday, I was being sent photos of him with his new girlfriend on the beach that she posted. I admit, information technology stung like hell. After all, this guy was just in my bed having sex activity with me Wednesday evening and telling me he loved me so much. The adjacent day, he broke with me. Ooof. These ii were snuggled up in the water on a boat trip that he was supposed to take me on. The feeling was very harsh, but it was centre opening because I got to finally see him for what he was and that our relationship was a mockery, not real. This is just how the narcissist operates though. Information technology was and never will exist personal and so think that. These people are psychologically unrooted.

You see, he didn't simply dump me and detect a new girlfiend 3 days later oh so conveniently-he had already plant her and was working his magic while also hanging on to me for whatever remaining supply that he could extract. This is very typical of a narcissist and then delight do not arraign yourself equally if you did something wrong. This is a very dysfunctional human relationship and presently the new supply volition come across this once the mask falls off. Call back, the narcissist always tells on themselves.

Honestly, I was and so comforted by the fact that I was right all along. My gut instincts told me that he was cheating on me. The projections-him accusing ME of cheating-as well had me cautious. I had seen this girl on his posts before-liking his shirtless selfies etc. And so I will go along a wild guess that he was probably preparation her since at least May. Virtually narcissists practise cheat, sadly. I remember feeling like I could never give him enough of my time or attention. I had 2 kids, ran a full fourth dimension business, and was going through a divorce so I had a lot on my plate. My biggest regret though was e'er allowing him effectually my children and I am thankful that his new supply does not have any.

Y'all demand to realize that well-nigh narcissists will find a new supply before they ever even dump you-before your relationship ends. This means while he is cheating on you, he'due south already misleading and being dishonest to the new girl or boy aka supply. Great for her/him? Ehhhh…. not so much. Take information technology every bit a blessing that you are not their toy anymore. Whether his new girlfriend knows he was in my bed a couple days prior or not, I am certain she is blinded by all of the love bombing and attention that he is giving her. I mean, I was in the beginning. The beloved bombing stage felt squeamish. He would always post on my page, tag me on posts, annotate on mine, text me alllllll day and night, and phone call often. But this is what they exercise and that is why it is called the dearest bombing phase of the narcissistc abuse bicycle.

I felt duped. But the weekend before, he was snuggling up to my kids as nosotros took them to a trampoline park. Then the next weekend, with his new fling. But that is how the cookie crumbles when you date a narcissist. There is never a truthful version of themselves and they volition accept on the personality of their supplies to adapt their best interest. If you lot enjoy yoga, they'll like yoga. If you kickoff gardening, they volition suddenty have an interest. Simply watch. They lack paradigm of their true selves.

I was in bed for days dealing with the affects and backwash. This guy not only lied, cheated, and stole my soul, but the effects from the trauma bond and steady emotioanl/physical abuse was something that had me unable to operate. Simply I thankful for God, for my pastor Jeff, this blog for giving me a voice to educate other women on narcissistic corruption, my life double-decker Stephanie Lynn, my therapist Kate, my kids, and good friends that I happened to meet during this rough fourth dimension.

I know y'all have a lot of questions and I am and so happy to answer them considering I am sure you accept felt the hurting, likewise.

Why Do Narcissists Find New Supply?

When the human being object, who is supposed to fix the narcissist's dire insecurities and lack of cocky, can't live upwardly to ego'south clamorous requirements, then the narcissist will get-go controlling, punishing and/or sourcing new sources of supply on the side that may be able to do the chore. This basically means when I was no longer doing a good job at giving him plenty attention to distract him from his emotional shortcomings, information technology was fourth dimension to find someone else to fit the bill.

Narcissists have an extremely low threshold for colorlessness. The very things they say they dear about you in the get-go shortly become the bane of their existence. They are going to be extremely aggravated by these things as time goes on because their whole agenda is to tear y'all down. Therefore, in one case they go bored and the honey chemicals start wearing off and they encounter that you are a real person and non some movie character they fabricated upwards in their heed, that'south when things start to unravel considering they haven't formed any bond with you.

It may look like they've moved on fast and truly some do, but you have to know they already moved on before leaving you-or letting you know. They will even motion fast within their new human relationship, too. I remember within a month or two of meeting my ex narc, he was looking at houses for u.s.a. to motility into. He wanted to BUY a house with me and become me to move to his metropolis. Ofttimes he told me he wanted to marry me and have kids. He did not utilize protection ever and I felt he secretly wanted me to get significant (I had asked him to habiliment a rubber once because I was taking antibiotics on the pill and he did not want to). They accept many tricks to trapping you because they take a potent fear of abandonement deep down.

I recollect towards the last iii months, I was told how I was non trying hard enough, how I was cheating on him supposedly, how I didn't give him enough attending, how he didn't feel like a priorty, nosotros did not have enough sex, how I hung out with my friends besides much, and how I had to block every single man in my life… the listing went on. This was afterwards institute to be called projection.

The sources of supply or people are expendable/interchangeable when:

• The narcissist fails repeatedly (letting the partner down due to lies and infidelity, failing in business organization, unable to stand out and exist special) and the presence of the source (i.e., spouse or partner) becomes a abiding reminder of their failures.
• The stimulating effects of the source vesture off and the narcissist becomes bored. Retrieve, they can't emotionally bond so their connections are always superficial and short-lived.
• The narc realizes they're addicted to the supply and resents their dependency on the source. Their fragile ego won't allow them to take this dependency, and then they devalue the source to quiet this pain

And then, unless you're okay with shapeshifting every moment of the day to appease the psyche of such a dysfunctional person, the best matter you can do is stop trying to figure out the narcissist. Cut that anchor and sail away…

Alyssa was not the starting time source of supply for my ex-narc. I accept mentioned him cheating on me with multiple escorts before. Merely I noticed this, and don't heed me because this might be TMI, but I noticed after dating him that I would get frequent vaginal infections. I idea, how weird? This is a beginning? He even told me his girlfriend before me complained of the same event… I guess it does non take a rocket scientist to figure out why she and I both got vaginal infections after having sex with this guy. You tin only imagine why….

Do Narcissists Treat Their New Supply Differently?

No, non at all.. The narc has zero sense of self therefore they will go along doing what they have always done. They will Lovebomb, Cheapen, Discard, and Hoover you for weeks, months, and years. We broke upward around ten times in one year the bicycle connected on-I began to take notice of every stage and could predict when the hoover or discard stages would have identify. Your narcissist is very predictable. I will honestly say that I feel he will do the same affair to his new girlfriend.. and to the side by side ane.. and to the next one. Information technology will e'er exist their faults in his eyes.

Heed, it'due south about incommunicable for a mentally and emotionally whole person to experience 18-carat honey, admiration, affection, and deep bail with one person — and then instantly feel those same exact things for someone else… peculiarly within three days. This is what I had to tell myself. This guy told me he loved me Th morning on the telephone-the day we broke up. But I had to realize he didn't mean it. He never loved me. This man was incapable of knowing how to love and will ever will be-unless he got some serious help.

Run into, the narc'due south definition of "honey" is so far removed from that of a "normal" person's, that survivors often get stuck trying to wrap their heads effectually this thought. They don't love the new person more or less than they did y'all, because they are literally unable to love like we do. They cannot emotionally bond, then their "dearest" is strictly based on how much and how hands they can become supply.

Their new girlfriend or boyfriend volition be taken out like yesterday'due south trash and it is only a matter of fourth dimension before the victim figures out that this person isn't quite correct. Thus, the wheel continues..

Does a Narcissist Change With Their New Supply?

Non fifty-fifty. The narcissist takes everyone they trap (lovers, family unit, friends, coworkers, bystanders, fifty-fifty pets!) through that aforementioned cycle. The reason why they practice non change is because they come across naught incorrect with themselves. They never meet themselves every bit the broken people that they are.

• No. The new victim did not magically heal the narcissist from their personality disorder.
• No. They didn't convince the narc to change into the most gentle, loving, and considerate person.
• And no. The skies did not part and the angels did not bless the narc with a new heart of true love.

And I am 100% confident that the person he dropped me similar yesterday's trash for, volition get the same… besides equally the person later that… and so on.

100% — without a doubt.

That's why information technology's chosen a cycle of abuse. They deplete every final ounce of our spirit & energy, and instead of helping the states refill our bucket similar a loving & salubrious partner, they kicking united states of america bated and motility on to the next source of supply.

What Does a Narcissist Truly Want?

What matters most to them is having someone who will tolerate their ways. Even then, it's of import to understand that you can tolerate them until you lot're blue in the face, but it's not going to guarantee that yous are going to exist the 1 the narcissist prefers because honestly, narcissists don't adopt anyone.

• The narc will desire you to dress the way they want you to. Mine used to always tell me to vesture heels more.
• The narc will tell you who yous can and cannot talk to. I was not allowed to accept whatsoever male friends or contacts.
• The narc wants to isolate you. The narc will make you experience guilty about spending also much fourth dimension with your friends to where yous avoid going out to avert a fight.
• The narc wants excessive admiration. They desire you to post pics of them oft. They want attending all the time. They want to blow upwardly your phone. They desire you to annotate on all of their posts. This is how they get supply and one time you stop, they volition let you know virtually it
• The narc wants to be loved, admired, highly thought of. They constantly crave approval, validation, reassurance that they're seen in the all-time possible light. They accept petty tolerance for criticism or rejection. They get enraged with people who disagree with them. They need others to fawn over them and make a fuss. Otherwise, they're reminded of the emptiness inside them that hurts so much.

So if you lot are ok with giving the narc everything he wants, losing your voice, and condign their puppet, become correct on ahead. It was non how I wanted to live my life and it was not whom I wanted around my children.

They Naturally Will Flaunt The New Supply

Kickoff of all, this is in no way a reflection of your value. Y'all didn't do anything to deserve such disrespect. And what respectable developed would intentionally acquit this way — with pride?

It doesn't even thing whether you are a direct witness or not. They're shamelessly announcing this to friends and connections, likely hoping someone will report this dorsum to you lot so you'll provide them with even more narcissistic supply (your negative reaction serves to validate their worth). They desire you to know. They want a reaction. They want to hurt you. They dear information technology. Their flaunting of their new relationship has more about hurting you than information technology is about showing off the new supply.

Honestly, whether your ex is a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, or just a monumental jerk, parading their new human relationship and/or flaunting how they've been unfaithful to y'all shows their lack of integrity and depression-quality character. Although it hurt at first, I became happy that I saw how quickly he moved on, that he cheated on me, and how he was flaunting it all over the place. It helped me to realize that this man had not changed, but that I was not his victim anymore. He had a new shiny toy to corruption now-not me. Don't get me wrong-I hate it for her. I know what is coming. But I am going to stick to the sidelines, pray for her, and promise she will get out less unscathed than I did.

The kicker: All this celebrating isn't even about the new victim. She/he does not matter to the narc. Only how the narc is perceived matters to the narc.

Narcissists are unable to emotionally bond, leaving them without the ability to store 18-carat, loving feelings. As such, the relief they receive from all that egotistic supply must constantly be replenished.

You can compare this to a leaky saucepan — requiring abiding refills with nil of existent substance to offering anyone else.

This is why they e'er have to havesomethinggoing on.

• Something planned
• Someone on the side
• Something to think about
• Something bully to announce
• Something new to show off
• Something— ANYTHING to become them attending so others tin can reassure them, "Yes, you be."

Only when they're able to excerpt egotistic supply from those around them, do they detect temporary relief from their empty, non-existing-ness. And then, they wave the new person and their happy life all over the place to stock up on as much narcissistic supply as they maybe can.

Are yous starting to run into how the flaunting doesn't take much to do with this next victim as a person? I remember when he started flaunting me all over his social during dating. I think dorsum and information technology all clicks. I tin see the power trip forming now.

This is why going No Contact is not only important for your safe and sanity, simply a powerful weapon confronting the always NEEDY abuser. Yous cannot allow them to contact you ever, ever once more.

No.. You lot Aren't In Love-It Is Called a Trauma Bail

A trauma bail is the addiction to your abuser. How does trauma bonding happen?

During the narcissistic relationship, the abuser uses a manipulation tactic known asintermittent reinforcement.

This upshot fifty-fifty works on a biochemical level; when pleasurable moments are few and far in between, merged with cruelty, the reward circuits associated with a toxic relationship actually become strengthened. When pleasure is predictable, our reward circuits become accepted to information technology and our brain actually releasesless dopamine over time when with a consistently expert partner. It could exist argued that in many cases, rejection and chaos by a toxic partner creates an addiction that is far more long-lasting than the predictable quality of "stable" love.

The abuser withholds attention, provokes insecurity, arraign-shifts, and invalidates your thoughts and feelings — leaving you lot to wonder what the heck you could exist doing to push your soulmate abroad.

But, every in one case in a while, the narc throws scraps of love and affection your mode. This makes your heart light upwards and think, "Finally! The perfect relationship I knew is returning to normal!" This is also a tactic called breadcrumbing.

Sadly, the coldness & distance return — and you're dorsum to feeling alone, dislocated, and longing for that perfect person you knew from before. Pssst… they never existed. It was all a facade.

And just when you lot remember the relationship is finally coming to an end (again), the narc throws you bits of "dear" (again), giving you relief from the pain and reigniting your hope for the return of your soulmate (once again).

And and so information technology continues.

Emotional abuse tin can change your encephalon-moreso than physical abuse and I have had both. The logical role of your encephalon is numbed out to protect you from shock, leaving yous to office mainly from the emotional part of your brain. If that'southward not scary and agonizing, I don't know what is.

This is why at this betoken, you will exercise just virtually annihilation for those scraps of attending. You've get addicted to the INTENSE feeling of RELIEF afterward existence treated so poorly by the love of your life.

Then if you detect yourself wondering:

• Why y'all nonetheless can't allow go of the one person who treated you exactly the manner s/he swore on their life to never practice.
• Why you still love the abuser and then much.
• Why after being dragged through hell, y'all're all the same adamant to hold onto promise that things tin possibly still alter for the meliorate…
• You can be sure you're non bound to the narc by love, just habit. This is trauma bonding. An addiction to the feeling of relief later on prolonged emotional pain acquired past the abuser.

Absolutely not love by a long shot.

You're not even thinking conspicuously anymore — y'all're reacting to your addiction. This is unsafe and keeps y'all susceptible to harm. It's the reason why doing No Contact is admittedly required.

Because the longer you lot remain focused on the narcissist, and the more endeavour and attention you give them after the relationship has ended, the more you will LOSE YOURSELF.

I am currently in therapy and doing EMDR to help break my trauma bonds and so that I tin can observe honey inside myself and to heal myself earlier I move on to another relationship. I am definitely not prepare to love right now considering I have to truly honey and bask myself. I want to be whole before meeting someone else.

Volition The Narcissist Always Be Happy?

Non truly. They do a good job at looking the part, but that is all part of the facade.

The narcissist really needs to have responsibility for their own cocky-healing and self-love. Sadly, though, they go on seeing other people every bit the solution to their problem. This is why they line upwards other people or sources of supply to fulfill their needs before even leaving you. These people CANNOT and WILL NOT be alone. This is why you seem them jumping from relationship to human relationship. They need to have that validation because they are empty and are not happy with themselves.

The narcissist volition keep on using people to boost their self-esteem, but tragically for anybody, the narcissist will end up being angry at them because external validation can never heal their wound.

The narcissist wants the other person to make them feel skilful about themselves, but no-one tin do this. But the narcissist tin can heal their own wound.

The sad truth is that the narcissist is trapped. They're convinced that approval and validation from others is what will heal them, so they never turn inwards and love, validate and reassure themselves.

They are doomed to feel empty and miserable for their entire lives and they'll blame the people around them for not loving them or validating them "enough," fifty-fifty if these people are doing their very best to shore upwardly the narcissist's frail ego.

In Conclusion…

I KNOW it's difficult. But y'all must not worry well-nigh what your narc is doing or WHOM they are doing. It is all superficial and before you know it, the new supply/girlfriend/fellow will suffer what y'all just dealt with.

My best advice? Keep no contact and move on. Block them everywhere. If they contact you, exercise not respond. Know there are much better partners out there who will treat you lot with genuine love and respect-without wanting annihilation in return.

For more blogs on narcissism:

HOW TO SURVIVE A NARCISSISTIC Human relationship

NARCISSISTS AND HOW THEY Control YOU

THE Egotistic Projection OF Y'all

DATING A NARCISSIST: HOW TO HEAL FROM NARCISSTIC Calumniating RELATIONSHIPS

Tin can A NARCISSIST Actually Alter?

HEALING FROM Egotistic ABUSE

Your trainer and friend,

mclaughlinruen1959.blogspot.com

Source: https://diaryofafitmommy.com/the-narcissist-and-their-new-supply-girlfriend-boyfriend/

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